England v India: The Lord's Test, Day 1

And it's back! Hello again (although it was only a few days ago, but still). If you've not seen this before and have innocently clicked on a link on Twitter, then welcome. I know I'm crazy, you don't need to tell me that.

Welcome to the duck version of a very hotly anticipated Test series. It's England. It's India. And it, like the various Sri Lanka series, will be done in the form of ducks throughout the summer, until the Indian tour comes to an end down at Glamorgan morgan on 16th September.

Here's day one of the 1999th 2000th Test in the style that the internet is slowly getting used to:

The toss of the 1999th 2000th Test takes place. India win it and choose to bowl. England decide to carry on with Stuart Broad and send Bresnan packing up to Headingley. Where he's awesome. Mumble. Still, it means that Zaheer Khan v England begins in overcast conditions and, in cricket terms, this is a tantalising prospect.

India take to the field and the two England batsmen emerge from the pavilion. It will be a tough session for England as the ball is expected to swing in the moist and cloudy conditions. 

The first three overs of England's innings are maidens. Cook, and England, get off the mark with  a four off Kumar.

Harbhajan Singh sets off in pursuit...

But ends up sliding into the ropes as well.

Strauss decides to give England fans a mini heart attack. 

Cook hits one off Zaheer Khan to Ishant Sharma...

Straussy decides that there's a run there...

With two stumps to aim at, Ishant Sharma has a go. Strauss is in no man's land, but luckily for him, Sharma misses.

And Tenduckar does the fielding. Strauss survives, but England cannot afford a run out in seaming conditions. 

However, India's key man soon gets into the wickets. He smacks one into Cook's pads...

Zaheer appeals and Aylesbury Rauf agrees that Cook is a goner.

Even if UDRS was in place, it wouldn't have saved Cook as Hawkeye showed the ball was clattering into the leg stump. Cook walks off in disbelief at not scoring a 50 in a Test match and England are 19-1.

Ishant Sharma comes onto bowl and Strauss is given some width.

He cracks it over the slips and to the third man boundary. It's his first boundary and England will hope he can finally find some form.

The Turbanator comes onto bowl and with his first delivery almost picks up a wicket.

Trott, deciding to join Strauss in giving mini heart attacks to England fans (they're considerate ducks) is dropped by Rahul Dravid at first slip. 

It goes for a single and Trott survives. 

Strauss and Trott survive the further torment and at lunch, England find themselves 43-1.  It's an intriguing start to an intriguing series. 

Sharma carries on after the lunch break and finds Trott's edge again. 

But Trott hits it past Quaxman at second slip and through the vacant third slip area. To rub salt into the wound, it goes to the boundary for four.

At the other end, Strauss, on his highest international score of the summer thus far, gets a top edge on a Zaheer Khan delivery.

"You fool, you foolish fool!" feels rather apt here. 

Ishant Sharma takes the catch and England are 62-2.

India celebrate Strauss' demise. It's the sixth time Zaheer Khan has got rid of Strauss and he joins Morne Morkel and Ben Hilfenhaus (...) as joint third in the list of Straussy's tormentors. The top two have retired. 

Trott, for probably the billionth time of his England career, is once again the key man. Pietersen joins Strauss in giving England fans a mini heart attack by wafting for things he shouldn't and looking edgy and nervous before he finally gets off the mark. Here, India miss a chance to take Trott's wicket in a comedic mix-up.

Trott gets a nick on a Zaheer delivery and it goes at a catchable height into the slips. But Dhoni doesn't go for it and Dravid, thinking that it's Dhoni's, doesn't go for it either.

Instead, it's another four to Trotty, and the veteran and his captain are left to share the blame.

In the 42nd over though, a huge moment occurs. After a left delivery from Trott, Zaheer pulls up.

It could be cramp or a hamstring, but Khan is clearly struggling as he limps off. Soon afterwards, Kumar gets a first warning for running on the pitch and the Indian bowling attack is being stripped of its spearheads.

Trott hits a crisp drive off Harbhajan to the boundary and he's looking good for yet another 50.

Meanwhile KP decides to join Trott in taking on the Turbanator. He chips one up in the air...

And luckily over the head of Ishant Sharma, who also does a comedy dive in his fielding attempt.

Trott reaches his 50 with a single off the Turbanator. 

Yuvraj is the sub fielder.

Trott celebrates another 50.

Trott hits one off Kumar through midwicket...

And neither Tenduckar or Gambhir can reach the ball in time and it goes to the boundary for another four.

However, the rain, that blighted the Sri Lanka series, this time comes to England's rescue. Drizzle forces the covers on and soon a monsoon falls over Lord's.

In the England dressing room, Swanny and Jimmy dream of warmer climates, like their recent holiday to Cornwall...

... Whilst Tremlett ponders who the chap on the front page of the sports section is. 

The rain that fell before the tea break brought an end to the day's proceedings. England closed on 127-2. I'm off to day 2 tomorrow, so expect more ducks in weird places. And hopefully, hopefully, some more cricketers meeting their duck counterparts...!